The Final Attempt
by the simply mortal reason
Summary: All Human. AU. Alice gives herself one last chance and talks to Jasper. Will he be able to open her eyes and give her strength? Or will she continue the path she has chosen? Oneshot.


**Author's Note**: It's been awhile since I've written anything. This has been inspired by some things that have been going on and is mostly just a way for me to vent out. I'm also trying to go back and find what made me happy before and writing fanfics was one so here it is.

~The Simply Mortal Reason

_Disclaimer:_ I do not own Twilight or any of the characters just the love for the book and a copy or two. =]

The Final Attempt

_Alice,_

_ I'm so sorry the last few times we've tried to meet haven't worked out. I know you want to talk and I'm here for you. What do you say to meeting at the café you love so much around 3:00. I'll be there anyway; it would be nice to see you._

_Jasper_

Alice read the short e-mail again and again for the tenth time since receiving it that morning. She had tried calling Jasper last night, but sadly, according to his roommate, wasn't there; he was out with some other friends again. She left the message that he should cal her back as soon as possible, because she had to talk to him. While she tried to calm herself from all the crying and maybe sleep a little her computer had pinged alerting her to the message.

Quickly she wiped clean the glass table in the lobby of the hotel she worked at. She was running late. It was almost 3:30 when she was done. That morning her dear roommate borrowed her car to go visit her boyfriend for breakfast even after Alice told her no when she asked the day before. When she returned Alice had already been waiting for an hour and a half and had cleaned their apartment. As soon as she checked out Alice drove into town and by her favorite café hoping to see Jasper's curly blond head still there waiting. She finished her drive home and left her car there to walk downtown again. She wore her sunglasses masking her red eyes from crying last night and during the day. Alice had always prided herself on looking her best at all times, but today she knew she was a mess and it suited how she felt inside just fine.

Alice welcomed the sweet smell of coffee and freshly baked bread. Normally just walking in would lift her mood, not today it seemed. Jasper stood as soon as he noticed it was her that walked in. She took the seat across from him and tried to smile after taking her glasses off. Their eyes met and even through all the confusion in her head she couldn't help, but think that he had the most beautiful blue eyes and charming slanted smile. Alice felt the prickle of warm tears in her eyes and quickly ducked her head into her hands.

"I'm sorry I'm late. My roommate took my car after I told her not to and I still had to go to work for a few hours." Jasper reached across the table and softly patted her hand.

"I guess asking you how your day has been is out of the question?" When Alice didn't respond he changed tracks as tears started to escape from her dark eyes. "Come on let's go for a walk" They picked up their things and Alice followed him out the door.

Everyone stared at them as they walked, but Jasper merely greeted everyone with a sweet southern smile and Alice couldn't bring herself to caring. She began telling him how worthless she was feeling. He guided her to an empty bench in the park they had just walked to. The sun glistened off the pond in front of them almost mocking her.

They sat there as Alice cried. Neither moved closer to the other. Alice hugged her small torso as she tried to regain steady breathing. Jasper sat there patiently waiting for her to speak.

"It's almost as if I don't matter anymore. That there isn't anything that I can do." Alice struggled to find the words and each few words she said took a new deep breath and too much energy. "I feel like no one cares about me. That I'm worthless that if I weren't around anymore nothing would change."

"Alice, you are beautiful. You have a light about you that touches everyone you meet or a stranger you smile at. There are so many people that care about you, your parents, for example. I know they care about you and you about them. I care about you so much, Bella cares, Rosalie. I can't even begin to name a third of the people who care about much less know everyone that does."

"I want to feel like I have something live for. That I can do something with my life, that I'm not completely worthless." A few more silent tears slipped down her face. Alice tried to tuck her hair behind her ears put she had once again forgotten of her recent haircut and new pixie cut.

"That's a good thing. You aren't worthless. You are a special and amazing girl."

"Except anytime I start feeling good about myself or think I'm actually happy, it fades away so quickly and I'm reminded of every single flaw I have. It's like I'm replaceable. When my sister moved out when she was fifteen and discontinued any contact with our parents. I was expected to fill in the space. I was only nine when that happened. I felt I had to be the perfect daughter. Whenever I didn't do something to the expectations of my parents it was always, 'Cynthia would have been able to do that'. I was never enough."

"Alice you will never fill in for your sister. High expectations and goals are good, but they still need to be realistic. You hold yourself up so high and your parents even higher. You don't live with them anymore, if they can't accept you, as you then don't talk to them. Eventually they will see you happy and when that happens they will learn to accept you because you are their daughter. Nothing should ever make you feel this way; it would be a waste of your time." Jasper reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder, carefully rubbing her back and moving his hand in what he hoped were soothing circles. Alice couldn't help, but melt slightly under his touch. His hand felt so strong, protective, and warm.

"It's just that lately it feels like I'm just pretending to be happy and okay with my life. It's so easy to slip into that role and everyone believes me." Every small phrase she said was a tiny bit of a hidden Alice she let out. It felt like she was completely exposed and she was letting Jasper see that. Her tears had subsided, but she knew they would come back. Jasper kept his hand on her shoulder.

"You can't keep on pretending. If no one sees the real you, no one would be able to appreciate you when you are happy and get to know you. You have to find the Alice you love before anyone can really love you."

"I try. It's just that lately it feels like the only solution to not having to deal with feeling this way anymore is…" She couldn't finish her thought. It was just too painful. It was too hard to say it, that she had been thinking about her life ending at her own hand. _Come on Alice, look at Jasper leaning as close as he can to look into your eyes hidden behind your new bangs. He's listening. He wants to help you and know what you've been thinking about. On the count of three you will tell him. _"If I weren't so afraid of failing, I know I probably already would have tried to…" the words stuck to her teeth and refused to come out. It wasn't working.

"Failure is a part of life. It's the only way you'll be able to grow and become a better you. You can't be afraid of failing. It can hold you back from doing so many amazing things with your life." He wasn't getting it. Alice looked over to a bridge just on the horizon. Would the height be enough for her to jump and have it be fatal? That wasn't a risk she was willing to take it had to be fatal, she couldn't fail. She couldn't imagine how hard it would be if she survived.

Jasper moved his hand away and Alice instantly missed the warmth and security it brought. He waited as she wiped away the tears that had come on again. Anytime she thought about ending everything or how she would go about it new tears would come. She had even started researching how she would. Right now, drug overdose seemed to be her solution, in second was slitting her wrists. She looked down at her wrists and saw how close her veins were close to the surface. That would do her in right?

"Alice," at the sound of his voice saying her name she instantly tuned in to what he had to say. "You can't just sit around anymore. It's not worth it. You have to try and do something that makes you happy. What about shopping? Or designing? Do that more often. Find what makes you truly happy."

Clouds had spent the time covering the sun while they were talking. They now parted and Alice could feel the sun warming her face. Normally she would have looked up and let it warm her face, but now she kept her head down. She sensed Jasper shift his position putting his arm behind her on the bench. If she leaned back his arm would be at her neck as a pillow.

"Look at the sun Alice. Don't stare at it obviously, but let it warm your face." She didn't move. She felt Jasper's fingers under her chin to tilt her head up. "Come on Alice, look up." There was a smile in his voice. If Alice were to look over she would see his smile, a pleading look in his blue eyes, and the sun playing with his hair making it shine like gold. The sight would have made her smile at least a little bit. She shook her head no, but Jasper wouldn't have that. He ran his fingers under her chin feeling her soft skin. He nudged her head up, but Alice remained stubborn. He let his hand drop and she missed the warmth and firmness of his touch. They sat in silence a while longer.

"Sitting around is not going to solve anything. I wouldn't be a good friend if I didn't try to cheer you up some how. Come on, let's get some cheesecake." Alice slowly got up and followed Jasper as they walked back towards the center of town. She listened as he made small talk and continued to try to make her smile or laugh. He held the door open for her when they got to the old fashioned dinner that other than their malts and shakes it was common knowledge that they had the best cheesecake in the county. They waited in line in silence. When it was their turn Jasper ordered a strawberry and chocolate swirl cheesecake. He turned to Alice asking her what she wanted.

"I'm good. I'm not hungry nor do I really have a sweet craving."

"But, Alice it's cheesecake. You don't need a craving. I'm not craving it, but I'll eat it. Come on pick something."

"I'm fine Jasper." She stood against the wall with her arms crossed looking down at her ratty flip- flops.

"Is that all sir?" asked the poor boy behind the counter.

"Yes and can I get two glasses of water?"

"Here you go." The boy handed Jasper the slice of cheesecake and two glasses of water. Alice took her glass and followed Jasper to a booth in the back. They remained silent at first, but slowly Alice began to look up from under her dark hair. It was hard not to look at Jasper. He had the kindest eyes and small smile playing on his lips. There was soft stubble on his chin. It was also hard to look at him. He took a bite of his cheesecake. Then took off a slightly bigger piece and looked at Alice.

"You have to eat this Alice. It's really good. You know you want some." He teased the bite in front of her face and pretending it was an airplane. Alice couldn't help, but giggle at his attempt to make her eat. "When was the last time you ate?" Before she had a chance to answer that she hadn't eaten since yesterday morning. He said, "It doesn't matter. It's cheesecake. Eat it." She laughed at his determination. It was a loud laugh and she couldn't believe it had come out of her. She quickly closed her mouth. Jasper smiled saying it was her lost and ate the bite of cheesecake. He moaned slightly to show how good it was. Encouraged by her laugh he continued prompting her and they talked more and more. She laughed and could feel herself lighter. They spent the next half hour just sitting there laughing and talking. When his plate was empty and her glass of water gone they left.

"I should be getting home actually. My parents are coming in to visit and I still haven't cleaned the apartment," Jasper jammed his hands into his pockets and looked at the ground, "but do you want a ride home?"

"That would be okay, thank you," Alice smiled as she looked down at the sidewalk. They walked to Jasper's car and he opened the door for her. She slid in and took in the smell of his car. It smelled almost like him. Alice closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. Jasper got in, closed his door, and turned on the engine. They kept up the small talk from earlier as he drove toward her Alice's. When they pulled up to her building, Jasper rushed to open her door and walked her to her apartment door.

"It was great talking to you Alice. Don't forget what I told you. Just find your happiness." Alice nodded and looked down. "Alice, would it kill you to look at me?" Jasper teased. He lifted her head up by her chin and wrapped his arms around her. She lifted her arms around his neck. She couldn't help, but realize how comfortably her head fit into the crook of his neck. Jasper leaned down a bit more and kissed Alice's cheek. "Remember Alice I care about you so much," he whispered in to her ear as he let her go and she walked into her home.

As she walked around she realized it was empty for once. Taking advantage of this rare opportunity she began to run a warm bath. After lighting some candles and incense she sat down and wrote Jasper a letter letting him know how she felt and had been feeling, everything she couldn't say in person that day.

Alice wrapped herself in her silk robe and walked into the bathroom. She opened the bottom drawer and pulled out a small baggie. She ran the faucet and filled a glass with water. Slowly she consumed all 45 pills in the baggie. Next she took out a case with a sharp blade inside. She took off her robe and wrote a quick note with an old lipstick on her mirror. Alice slipped into her bath and let it relax her muscles. She could feel her skin softening and eyes closing slowly. Taking the case off the ledge of the tub she pulled out the blade and with two quick slides, one on each wrist, and her bath turned pink and was turning a more violent red each second. She looked over to her mirror and read the note she left. _I'm sorry. Thank you for everything Jasper. Goodbye. _Alice's eyes closed, her lips formed a smile as a certain pair of blue eyes and a head of curly blond hair entered her mind, and she took one breath before her heart stopped.


End file.
